The Power of Uncomfortable Conversations
"A person's success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have."
- Timothy Ferriss
Something that I am taking the time to appreciate recently is the amazing power that an uncomfortable conversation can have.
In a current generation where ghosting is the norm, we are sorely in need of more courage to engage in these uncomfortable conversations. Young people today would rather block people than actually tell them how they feel, thinking that they save a bunch of emotional distress for both parties as a result.
However, people don't even limit this cowardice to relationships. This avoidance is a larger trend and is making its way into other aspects of our personal and professional development.
According to a study done by PayScale Inc., only 37 percent of people ask for raises at their jobs. However, 70% of those who ask for raises end up actually securing a wage increase. Of those who do ask for a raise, 39% of employees get the wage increase they requested and 31% go home with a smaller raise than requested.
So then why don’t more people have that uncomfortable conversation to ask for a raise? More generally, why don’t people ask for what they want? They:
are scared of failure or not getting what they want or
are worried about coming off as passive-aggressive
seek to avoid unnecessary pain or suffering
In today's 3-2-1 Thursday newsletter James Clear says:
Many people delay taking action because they hope to avoid suffering. They keep searching for a path that won't involve tradeoffs. But some form of suffering is always inevitable. The process of taking action is the process of choosing pain.
Most of what we want is just on the other side of an uncomfortable conversation. The fear of this conversation, however, usually makes a lot of us refrain from getting what we want. But that pain is going to be felt somewhere regardless: either in rejection or in inaction.
For me, I have learned this lesson quite recently. I've prolonged conversations that needed to be had just because I felt that it was the wrong time or because I didn't want to come off as passive-aggressive. However, that just meant that the things that I wanted to change remained the same.
Having the courage to do something is what it's all about. At some point, you need to act towards what you want and have that uncomfortable conversation with people in your life.
And a beautiful thing happens when you cut the bullshit and actually stand up for what you want. Not only do you get what you want most of the time, but when you're honest with people, they actually respect you more.
And like anything, the more uncomfortable conversations that you have, the more compound interest works its magic. Then, as Tim Ferriss would say, you will see how all those conversations led the way to your success.